Parents Raising Children|Bible Principles of Family Training
Parents Raising ChildrenBible Principles of Family Training
I tentatively watched the drama being played in front of me two weeks ago between two parents and their child. The child was finished eating and wanted to go and play. The father made a stern command, "You are not allowed to play until everyone is done eating." The child began to get upset and whine a little. We continued to eat. After a few minutes there was a sound of a toy in the livingroom. The child had slipped away and gone to play anyway. The parent made another stern warning, then had to get up from the table and physically place the four year old child on a chair with another warning not to get up. The grandparents were also at the table eating. The child softly made her way to the grandmother who softly held the child. In a matter of minutes the child was off doing what she wanted to do. I know this sounds to most people like a simple case of "a four year just being a four year old", but to my wife and I this is blantant disregard (disobedience) for the child's father. My concern runs even deeper. I may be too philosophical, but as I look around at the children in America, who are not finding repercussions for their actions, I am wondering what our future will look like. If a child does not grow up understanding that to disobey one's parent is a sin, then how will they ever understand that disobeying God the Father is certain death! Maybe this is the reason that so few preachers preach about God's holiness and absoluteness. It is comforting to always preach and teach and live in the realm of God the Father's love. A child who is not disciplined very quickly learns there are no consequences for his/her actions and they will eventually get what they want. Children raised in such an environment, will have a hard time learning that God expects complete obedience. These children may have a disregard for the Old Testament. Why would they believe in a God who demands obedience, when they can justify sin, or do what they want anyway. In the New Testament Jesus says, "If you love me, you will keep my commands" (John 14:15) and again in I John 2:3 we find the assurance of salvation through obedience to God.
We as parents are the earthly representation of the heavenly Father figure. It is important to demand complete obedience with love. The writer of Hebrews is writing to a people who have become weary in their relationship with Jesus Christ. They are persecuted and simply worn out. The preacher is trying to encourage them about this life and move their focus on eternal things. The preacher of Hebrews writes, "It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." (Hebrews 12:7-11).
13 Comments:
Ron,
Good post. I never really put a lot of deep thought into the issue. I never thoughtof the deeper implications of a disobedient child. Granted, I've always felt that discipline was essential to a child's development emotionally, mentally and spiritually, but I never really thought about the "curse" portion of disobedience. You're right, how can we obey the Father when we can't even obey our earthly fathers?
We don't necessarily have to beat the snot out of our kids, but sometimes it does take a lickin' to get their attention. I distinctly remember one encounter with the dreaded "switch"...and it was enough to remind me that I was in for it "when my father gets home" from then on.
As I got older, I didn't really fear a corporal punishment, but I really didn't want to let my father down. This, I believe, helped with my spiritual walk. You're right...its like our relationship with the Father. I'm getting to the point to where I do what's right, not because I'm afraid of being punished, but because I love the Father and want to please Him. (I hope that's what you were saying.)
It would appear that "time outs" and "no no's" aren't help this generation of kids. You have to look no further than some our school... not naming names (Veritas) opps...did I just type that?
Later
Hey Ron, good comments. I can say first hand that you and Jan really practice what you preach. You two have been great models of what good parents should be. The proof is in the pudding -- or at least in the two little guys you have running around your house all the time.
I've noticed in the example of some that I am close to that parents struggle with knowing how to discipline. Sometimes they let something go and on and then all of a sudden will just explode on the kid. Instead of a gentle but stern warning the first time, they allow it to go on and on and then when the kid doesn't stop the parent goes ballistic. How is a child supposed to know right from wrong (with any certainty) unless the parent teaches them? And then there's the issue of consistency. Parents are so inconsistent with their discipline that everyone becomes confused as to what the child is or is not allowed to do. Not a good situation at all.
And yes, I wholeheartedly agree with you that parents are a child's model of the heavenly Father.
But what do I know? I don't plan on being a parent for another 5 or 6 years.........
Okay Sean, you win. You've finally gotten me to comment. We are NOT waiting 5 or 6 years to have kids!!!!!!! If we would do it my way, you wouldn't even have a year to wait to become a parent. Why don't you practice what you preach and be a model of the Father?
Sean oh yeah of great wisdom! I'm looking
forward to your reply to Rebecca's post.I
suggest prayer and fasting before any hasty
comments. 3
Also Sean ,I think there's a crib available
in the classified section,you could ask
Jake or Ron if they have any extra. But I think they both still need them.3
3,
I think we all know better than to DARE to respond to a woman's comment, especially a woman who is our wife, and even MORE especially to a woman who is our wife and who happens to be a Southern Belle. And while I would love to engage her in loving dialogue, I'll opt to do so behind closed doors instead of on the Internet. That way, when I get my tail kicked the whole world won't be able to witness it first-hand.
Go get him Becca!!!! 5 or 6 years. YOu could have 5 or 6 kids in that time! I think maybe he is scared of being a father.
Back to the article, being scared is not necessarily a bad thing. I think as Ron has explained it Fatherhood/Motherhood is a scary thing. We have a lot of responsibility to those little ones. We are instructed to lead them to the Father and lead by example.
Right on the money, Ron. Great post!!!!!! It is scary to me how many people do not look at parenthood from this perscpective. Junior explained it well too, we learn that we don't want to let our father down(Both earthly and eternal). We want to please him and that means doing all we can to honor him.
I would love to see more comments from parents on this! Both Mothers and Fathers!
I'm willing to step and be a father...oh, wait...I guess I'll need a woman to do that...
In response to Sean and Rebecca's difference of opinion as to when they should have children.... Do you think that's really your decision or should you leave it up to your heavenly Father?
Is this a question that is meant to open discussion on the pros and cons of birth control?
No, it was not meant to be a discussion on the pros and cons of birth control. But, it was meant to trigger a discussion. I guess I should put it this way: I think everyone on this site believes that we should seek God's will earnestly in all things we do. We should also give him total control over our life. But, How do we determine where to draw the line? In reference to children, Is it our place to tell him when we're ready?
I'm truly just curious to hear others thoughts on this...
I know there is a new question at hand, but I would like to go back and address something Sean said before he stuck his foot in his mouth.
Sean said,"I've noticed in the example of some that I am close to that parents struggle with knowing how to discipline."
I think you are very correct in this statement. But I think you went on to explain how it is done.
"Parents are so inconsistent with their discipline that everyone becomes confused as to what the child is or is not allowed to do."
My husband and I agreed before we even saw our firstborn that we would tell him one time and one time only. We would not beg, plead and negotiate things. If his mom or dad told him something, then he would know that not doing it would bring about the wrath of mom or dad. We don't beat our kids, we do spank (probably a topic to be debated). But I don't think the spanking is the key. The key is that we are comsistent. From the moment we began to discipline him (at a young age) we were consistent. We would tell him once and then he would be punished (and still have to do what he was told). He knows the routine so well now that even when he decides to disobey, he already starts saying he is sorry, because he knows that the punishment is coming. My kids are in NO way perfect, but they are learning to be obedient at a young age.
Kids thrive on consistency, and routine. They need to know that things in their lives are stable, even (or perhaps especially) when it comes to discipline.
Anonymous,
Thanks for the thought-provoking question.
I'm not sure if anyone who is truly and earnestly seeking God's will would draw the line when it comes to the issues of having children. I mean, if you submit your life to God completely, live in constant communion with Him, and pursue His plan for your life, then I cannot imagine you would treat the issue of having children any differently. Those who seek God and His plan for their lives completely do so across the board -- and they especially do on the most important issues.
I for one could not imagine coming to a point where I tell God, "Ok, God, NOW I'm ready. Bring on the kids." I like to think that it's the other way around -- that God will prepare my wife and me and reveal to us when the time is right. Sorry if that that sounds too mystical, but I don't know how else to say it. I guess a life of simple faith says, "Ok, Jesus, I am available to you. Show me the way." If Rebecca and I, together in communion with God, feel as though God has sufficiently prepared us for child rearing then we will take the next step. As a matter of fact, we both feel that, while we're not ready yet, God is preparing us right now and we are moving ever closer to being ready.
Most important to me is that we are of like mind. Rebecca and I believe that God will call us to the same things. Granted, the timing might be different or the understanding of it might vary. But in the end we believe that just as God has joined two into one He will provide a singular call for our life in Christ.
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